Pai Ferrer

it doesn’t feel right when your batch mates are encoding for their class next term and i don’t because i’m graduating this term well hopefully haha!

me and a close friend of mine had a fight, and told me that i need to fix and solve why i become like this.. (a selfish, childish, emotional guy) and she told me that we need to have some space first because i made her life so negative or miserable  because i always tell her negative stuffs that made her unhappy and hurt, and i keep sucking her personal space for that so we agreed that will never talk to each other for now or at least until i fix my self.

Week 1 was hard for me, because  in day 1 of week 1 was my first time to cry in my bed when i sleep at night, because i really don’t want to lose her as a close friend, because she’s a real catch.

Week 2 I bought a blank notebook because i want to keep a journal, a journal that will help me change by retracing my steps, so i started writing my life in 2nd year college because it was the year when we became friends. While writing on my journal i solved something that me and my friend cant remember for how long now, we cant remember how we met or how we became close friends, i know its kinda silly but yeah we really cant remember how we met, so we became friends because when we were 2nd year we had long breaks like 3 hours long, and she had PE at 7AM the morning and i had 11:30 class in the morning but even though i had 11:30 class in the morning, i go to school at 7:00AM then by 9:30 she goes to the caf where i stay, and there we started become friends and became close friend.

Anyway back to my journal, when i  i reached my 3rd year college life i noticed something, I was really nice before,  i was not selfish, im not emotional, i’m not childish, i’m a type of guy who likes to be happy and doesn’t  like sad stuff and i said to my self “man past Pai is awesome!” at that time i really wanna kick my ass so hard that my nose will bleed.

When i reached writing  my 4th year college life on week 2 day 2 i got annoyed and mad at my self, i wish i can get out of my body and kick my self in the ass, and realized how much i hurt her, because reading my journal showed me that I’m a selfish, childish person. i don’t want to be like this anymore, i wanna go back to my old self where I only see happiness in my life. On week 2 day 4 I started changing my life back to the old happy me  by reflecting to my journal up until Week 4 

I am confident that i really changed for good and i can prove it to her that i changed 

the only problem is when? when can i prove her that i changed? when should i start talking to her? when should i start being close friends with her again? what if she gets annoyed, and ruin her day again.. i guess ill never know until i try talking to her again.

but not now… since she has thesis and i know she’s having a busy month. 

I just realized i haven’t seen her for 1 month now, and i miss her so much.